By Ronald N. Guy Jr.
Boy encounters girl.
Boy fails to engage girl. It is
something that happens, with regularity.
The natural reaction to a wave of infatuation – being temporarily
tongue-tied, humor-less and socially awkward – can be overwhelming. Whether it was the new girl in math class or
the attractive artist from apartment 4B, most guys have lacked the courage to
approach a young lady at some point in their lives. So if you heard that a teenage boy in Iowa recently balked at
engaging a fellow high school aged girl, your likely reaction would be, “been
there, done that” (for the guys) or “been there, seen that” (for the
ladies). This encounter though was a
little more complicated and completely out of the ordinary.
The cast, for this chance encounter, included leading boy,
Joel Northrup, and leading girl, Cassey Herkelman. They met at a gymnasium in Des Moines, Iowa…to wrestle each other
in the state’s wrestling tournament.
Northrup subtly defaulted, though, before the match began citing
religious beliefs that prevented him from engaging a woman in a violent
manner. Herkelman was awarded, and
graciously accepted, the victory.
Rarely does an exchange between teenagers have such
depth. Personally, young Northrup left
me terribly conflicted. As the father
of a daughter, I was initially annoyed that he didn’t respect his opponent,
regardless of gender, and square off against her. She, like him, had arrived at this moment based on hard work and
merit. She deserved to wrestle Northrup
until the best wrestler, boy or girl, won.
Like the majority of society, I have no tolerance ceilings placed on an
individual’s potential simply because they don’t fit a particular profile (name
your “ism”). I will not temper my
daughter’s dreams if they boldly lead her where her gender has rarely dared to
go. While I respect Northrup’s right to
make a personal decision, it feels like a passive-aggressive way of saying,
“you don’t belong here.”
On the other hand, as the father of a son, I would have
cringed had my boy engaged, and physically dominated Herkelman; so I completely
understand his decision. A man worthy
of the air he breathes would never physically impose himself on a woman. Likewise, any father deserving of that
title, ingrains in his son that no circumstance exists that justifies
physically threatening or harming a woman.
The sport of wrestling, because it requires the direct physical
engagement of two combatants intent on pinning the other, puts any male
competing against a female in an awkward situation.
So who’s right?
The co-habitation of genders on the athletic field is
certainly not unprecedented. I bet a
good number of us in the County have played on co-ed softball teams. Then again, athletic departments are
routinely divided by gender and maintain separate programs for boys and girls;
an acknowledgement of the undeniable physical differences that generally exist
between men and woman. More significant
than sports, no one would (or should) argue that women still face sexist
barriers and that violence against women is a far too frequent atrocity
(accusations of domestic violence and sexual assault appear regularly in sports
pages).
It seems then that both kids were correct. Herkelman was right for competing; women
should always push the envelope of what’s possible and acceptable. Equality is more easily preached than
practiced, and our society has proven it needs a constant nudge. Northrup too showed commendable courage in
refusing to enter into a direct physical confrontation with a girl. A rational mind easily discerns the
difference between a co-ed high school wrestling match and violence against
women. But those who commit such
violent acts are far beyond rational thoughts.
Northrup just wasn’t willing to compromise his beliefs and put on
display a boy battling physically with a girl – even under the auspice of
athletic competition - for the sake of winning a wrestling match.
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